please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
