Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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