I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
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