Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
