Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
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I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
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Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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