in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
