plz talk dirty to me
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
