PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
