And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
