Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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