So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
