Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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