I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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