Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
