Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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