So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
