I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
