When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
