I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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