are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
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