He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
