Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
