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When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
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