You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
