It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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