I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
