Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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