i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...