i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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