my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I smell like Dick and happiness
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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