we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Your penis caused this!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
