I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
