stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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