Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
