hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
