Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
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I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
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Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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