she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
