you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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