Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
