I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Success! We fucked roommates!
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