If i come over, it means nothing
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
