I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
