im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
