He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
