I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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