I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
