He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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