So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
