every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
