I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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