nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
