but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
