I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
