it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
