he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
