So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize