if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
