just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
