there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
