I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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