I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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