just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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