I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
