I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
