you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
