oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize