Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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