No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
