happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Also, beer. Big fan.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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