They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
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Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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