I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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