love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
