Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
