I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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